The Lie

She lied.

About a month ago I found out something that had brought about dramatic changes in my life was based on a lie. At first, I felt validation–I told you so. I had suspected the lie; the circumstances created a puzzle with missing pieces.

Strangely enough, I wasn’t angry, and that is something I can’t quite explain. While I harbor ill feelings toward some related to the situation, I am completely devoid of feeling toward the liar herself.

Last week, my husband and I were talking about this.

“She ruined your life,” he said.

I was shocked at my normally optimistic husband’s remark, so it took me a minute to respond.

“No, she didn’t. She didn’t ruin my life. I went through Hell, at times so unbearable I couldn’t see the future, but my life is not ruined.”

It’s true her lie bit the core of who I am. Even knowing the extenuating circumstances most people weren’t privy to didn’t help me at the time, or for months after.

But, my life is not ruined.

“I just want my life back. I want to be me again,” I said through sobs many times during the six months after the lie. I haven’t gone back to who I was.

But, my life is not ruined.

I’ve moved forward, abandoning the parts of my life, of myself, that needed to be left behind. Because of the lie, I am a better person.

You may wish for your old life. You may believe your life won’t ever be the same as it once was. Stop wishing. Stop believing.

You don’t need your old life.  Your future depends on who you’ve become.

Your life won’t be the same. It will be better.

You will go through Hell, but you will rise. Talk about your doubts with the people who love you most. Think about yourself, a lot. Make new friends. Read. Be kind to yourself. Take walks in the cool morning air. Reflect on how far you’ve come, often. Pray. Discover who you are truly meant to be.

Your life isn’t ruined. It’s just beginning.

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